I was brought up in a family where it was easier to criticize than to praise. I remember getting all dressed up to go to my aunt's house and feeling like the most beautiful child in the world only to be told, "Oh, there's a loose button on your dress. Mommy must have missed this when she got you dressed." I remember the family talking about each others faults and frailties rarely speaking about accomplishments.
I was the "wild child" of the family. I was the one who didn't follow the rules, who asked "Why?" who was inquisitive and not afraid to take chances.
When I eloped at 19 and became a single parent at 20 you can just imagine the burning telephone conversations between my relatives. However, did one of them congratulate or send me or send a card when I managed to get myself through college? When I was taking care of my dieing husband I can't remember any of them holding me and giving me words of encouragement. Still, when I see them they rehash the times I met with their disapproval. It seems they can't feel comfortable saying something complimentary, how sad.
So I say: try hard to close your lips when you want to say something that might hurt someone. Think of a different way to say what you think it is so necessary to say.
Tell people how proud you are to be part of their life. Make constructive suggestions rather that critical remarks.
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So sad and yet so true for many of us growing up in that genereation. I remember when my only sister died of cancer at the age of 43 my mom said to me, Dinah, too bad you weren't the one to die instead of Karen. I had a college education a good job and my sister did't have those things by her own choice. I guess my mom thought if she lived longer she might have the same opportunities. Sad thing was she did have those opportunities and went a different direction.
ReplyDeleteI love this verse from the Bible that helps me remember to hold my tongue Psalm 19:14
May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your eyes O Lord my Rock and Redeemer.